Here's one of the things they REALLY don't tell you about being a parent. The pooh clean-up. Witness this collection of soul-stirring photography above and see our sweet little Logan visiting Dumpos Muchos on a dialy basis and in the process separating myth from reality for prespective parents...
Myth: before you're a parent, dumps are probably the last thing you think about when painting a portrait of life with a child in your mind. If you do, there's usually a little fantasy you have that goes something like this...
Magically you somehow sense that your child has had a "movement." She coos as you undress her. You peel off her diaper and the smell of a dozen roses fills the air as you easily slip off the soiled diaper and slip a fresh, clean one on under her tender bottom. She continues to giggle. Then you button up her onesy, both laughing and fully embracing the father/daughter moment, wishing you could savor this and every other second for all time...
Reality: shit happens. All over the place. Usually down her leg in the form of a mustard colored semi-solid with the consistency of a thin stew. No diaper could contain this. So BOOM, your're cradling your little girl in your arms and your hand finds something really wet on her leg. You really hope it's a drool-stain but who are you kidding...drool stains rarely make their way to your daughter's hamstring. So you look down and inevitably you catch sight of a rapidly spreading yellow stain on her leg that your hand is caught smack-dab in the middle of...
The diaper changing is the easy part; peeling it off and all her clothes and trying hard to keep her toes from kicking turd all over the living room. Next step is the oxy-clean. Full disclosure, the wife always handles that. I would be tempted to look at the onesy and mutter "Stay safe" before tossing it in the garbage. But since we don't have unlimited funds Laura has scrubbed with oxy-clean so often and bought so much of the stuff that she should own shares in the company. EVERY DAY. Scrubbing rancid turds out of clothes...usually right before we have to leave for an appointment. So enjoy the pictures. Give me another month and I'll give you 30 more...
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Ahh, the dreaded blowout! Those are horrible and they seem to escalate in magnatude the further along you get in the change. I've had a few already that required a few diapers, a complete change of clothing, and a bath afterwards. Even had one that required I change it was so bad!!
ReplyDeleteWow...I never had to change my own clothes! That's a first. I'm still trying to figure out how they can't invent a diaper that keeps all that junk in...
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